Patrick Bohan
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​PATRICK BOHAN
I tell stories. Will try anything once. This is my blog. 

It’s Adventure Time! I Broke a World Record. So can you.

6/24/2017

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I broke the world record for “Most Yogurt Eaten in a minute". So can you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v22vepXxSls&feature=youtu.be
​
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Clearly, this guy didn't take being kicked out of the Backstreet Boys very well.
Go on http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/set-a-record/, pick a record, and break it. Ideally with friends. I promise you’ll have fun.
 
It’s free, fun, ad badass. There are so many records to choose from, from calisthenics, to food, to bear hunting. People are happiest when they do something fun and spontaneous, but even more so when they accomplish something. Record breaking is both.
Share your records, videos, or plans in the comments section, and I’ll post them, and give you the credit.
 
Now get out there and set some records.
 
-PB

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The World Doesn't Care About You.

6/22/2017

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The world doesn't care about you. Sorry. The neighbors, your boss, your friends, even that cute barista doesn’t give a crap about who you are. Not even a little bit. They care about what you can do. What value you offer them. That sounds harsh, but it’s a truth you need to understand, and the earlier you get it, the closer you are to living on purpose.
 
“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players; And one man in his time plays many parts’”
-William Shakespeare
 
Your boss wants a good employee. Your friend wants a good friend. Your fiance wants a good fiance. Your mayor wants a good citizen. You fill different roles, and nothing else but how you fill the role is important. Your boss doesn't care about your awesome flower pressing, and I’ll bet your buddy doesn’t care about your coin collection. They care about how you fill the role, what you offer, or how you make them feel when you’re around. And that’s a good thing.
 
The world is too busy with their own problems to care about yours. While friends, family, and authority figures may offer encouragement or condolences, they’re really more worried for themselves or for the group. And there’s nothing wrong with that. We want to think that people like us for us. I want people to love me for the special snowflake I am. But I'm sure you do too. And that’s the problem.
 
This is why people say nice guys finish last, or why artists, athletes, and great men and women can get away with carrying massive egos. Good people offer value, making the world a better place. They solve problems. If all you offer society is niceness, you’re not really a nice guy at all.

If someone asks for donations to a charity, and all you offer is emotional support and a shoulder to cry on, you really haven’t done any good. Even if you don’t give a crap about the starving orphans, if you give a dollar, the orphans are infinitely better off. People can’t eat niceness. While I’m sure your amazing sense of humour or kindness makes you a smash hit with the in-laws, in that moment when the orphans ask for food, all that matters is what you offer.
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Well, I can’t offer you guys any bread, but people say I’m a great listener! No takers? Maybe someone wants a hug...

If you want to know why you never seem to get what you really want, or why you seem to get no respect, it's because society wants you to do things. They need food, entertainment, thrilling relationships. Architecture, art, ideas, science, business, labour, friendships. Society doesn’t care about your tragic origin story that can only be told with violin accompaniment. Society doesn’t care about your mean backhand, or your tremendous whistling. Society only cares about the value you offer. It’s hard to accept. It was hard for me to accept. I’m sure it’s hard for you too. But if you focus on giving back, getting up and doing things, your life will get so much better.
 
Imagine how ridiculous it would be if you walked into an interview, and your pitch was that there was nothing glaringly wrong with you. 
 
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Well, Mr. Johnson, I don’t know what I can offer the company, but I’ve never stabbed anyone. Oh and that bank robbery? That was some other guy.

That isn’t to say a lot of your inner qualities aren’t valuable. They are. But only in certain situations. You shouldn’t be a dick because you know you shouldn’t. Treating others poorly makes us miserable. It’s just how we are. Humans are wired that way. The problem is that some people assume that not being a dick will get them through life. It won’t. Everything is circumstantial.
 
This shouldn't bring you down. It’s liberating! If you can give back value, if you can offer something that matters, nothing else is relevant. Regardless of you past, personality, quirks, or deficiencies, you can be successful if you offer value.
 
Like most people, I struggled with this. It’s hard to see out of our bubble. I’m certainly no expert. But when I stopped focusing on who I was, and started focusing on what I did, my life got better.
 
Monsanto uses child labour and steals jobs. Their CEO tries his best to emulate skeletor, complete with an evil laugh. But people buy from Monsanto because they offer a good product. The market doesn’t care about the supervillainy.
 
Kanye West is a dick but people buy his records. The KKK buys bean cakes from Nation of Islam because they taste good. The United states couldn’t have split the atom without Nazi scientists.
 
You’re probably a better looker than skeletor. I’m positive that your secret or flaw isn’t as bad as a factory full of children, or mass genocide. Whatever disadvantages you face can be overcome by offering value.
 
I’m not going to sit here and say people don’t have different abilities and setbacks. Being born Bruce Wayne is a hell of a lot better than growing up in a warzone. Society is unfair, and it’s easy to get caught up in what’s wrong. But what I will tell you is that these setbacks don’t matter. The only way for things to get better is to focus on what you can change. What you can offer. 
 
So if you want more, give more. Develop a skill. Practice every day, even if you’re miserable at it. Get a talent, offer value, and you’ll go far.
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How to live a badass life? Do stuff.

6/13/2017

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“Do the thing and you shall have the power.”
-Waldo Emerson

 
This is a blog about doing stuff. It’s about adventures we can go on together to get us what we want. It’s about ways that we can challenge and improve ourselves. It’s also about watching me try out a lot of stupid things that may leave a big lump on my head.
 
The only way to get what you want, to have that badass life, is to go out and make it happen. Some people will tell you that mindset, study, or connections will get you there -- and I don’t disagree. That’s all important, but in the end, the only GUARANTEED way to get what we want is to take it. If you continue doing what you’re doing now, you’ll stay roughly the same place. You'll have about as much success, about as much money, and about as much happiness as you have right now. If you like where you are, that’s awesome. Stay put. But if you want more, the only way to get it is by doing more. That might mean getting a new job or side business for more income, going out more to meet people and become more outgoing, or trying out some crazy new sleep schedule for more time. Maybe you’ll have to travel. Maybe you’ll have to read more. The point is, you’ll have to do something new.
 
I’ll try out those somethings for you. Show you how they work out for me. I might even take suggestions from you all. Crazy sleep schedules, diets, impossibly long runs - it’s all fair game. And if you stick around, you’ll watch me do it.
I’ll post lots of adventures and new things readers can do wherever. But if you live in the SF bay area, you can go on adventures with me, and tag along for some good times.
 
We’re going to cover a lot of different topics and make plenty of tangents into lifestyle and culture issues, but when it comes down to it, we are talking about doing stuff, and the power that can give you. The power to be free from anxiety, the power to be who you want to be, and do what you want to do. The power to have the money, relationships, and level of happiness you want.
 
And the best way to illustrate that power is to have an opinionated and overly eager test monkey, to and show you that this is possible.
That test monkey is me, Patrick Bohan. I’ll use alter egos for some posts. They’ll have cute names too.
 
I’m going to explore radical new ways of thinking about how to plan out your time to get you off the debt-powered treadmill and into a life you want to live. I’ll be having guest posts and videos from role models, and occasionally, other great blogs. A guy who retired at 30 on a plumber’s salary has a lot to share with us. A woman who built a startup without enough money for an iphone probably knows something we don’t.
 
I’m not an expert. I don’t claim to be. I’m just the test dummy, consistently trying out new stuff. And you get to watch! Lots of readers I’m sure have more experience than me - that doesn’t mean trying and doing new things won’t change their life. No matter where you are, rock bottom or top, the only way to have more is to do more.
 
Become a regular reader of this blog, start doing more, and you’ll become even more badass. If you stick around, I promise your life will become a lot more interesting. See you at post  #1.



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    Patrick Bohan

    Author of Urban Fantasy. Actor and theatre geek. 

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